Coming at least somewhat from “red pill” circles — and yet being a significant critic of the red pill ethos — I’m a bit of a contradiction, at least at first glance.
Outsiders think I’m red pill because my views don’t align with the mainstream. “Insiders” call me an apostate because I’ve attacked key figures in their movement and tried to branch out from their tenets.
If you’re a regular person just eavesdropping, it’s understandable you might not know what’s going on.
So let’s clear some things up, because it’s time to move on from this topic:
I am not “red pill.”
This is not because I am not “woke” on the current cultural problems, or the issues with modern women (and men).
It’s actually much more simple — even more simple than what #Upstream discussed before.
The Church of The Red Pill
The Red Pill has the veneer of an intellectual symposium, but fundamentally it is a church.
Like many who “come to religion,” its ranks are swelled with men who have seen their lives shattered. These men are given a cocktail of community, self-reliance, and hope — with a sense of unifying oppression to bind them all together.
All that’s asked is one thing in return:
You must follow the script laid out by the authorities.
Some have a hard time seeing this.
No surprise, really.
Parishioners, after all, have a very different relationship with the church structure than the preachers.
Most who go to church don’t agree with everything the church says. Nor do they have to.
They come for guidance, and stay out of sense of belonging. This — not dogma — makes them associate with the denomination. And for men questioning modern assumptions about gender, that denomination is red pill.
It’s a matter of identity.
Which is why when the the Red Pill gets attacked, these men will defend it… even if they don’t know exactly what they’re defending. Even if they’re defending against something they believe.
I don’t want to belabor what at this point is past drama. But it bears noting — guys were confused and upset about the conflict with the Red Pill because they liked my ideas. The broad overlap of my audience with the Red Pill is a testament to this.
But when you undermine the Church, the Church will say you’re attacking God. I was straying from the Red Pill script, and that was a threat. I was a rogue priest who wouldn’t repent.
So I was accused of succumbing to satanic influence — the insidious “feminine imperative.”
And to scare others off, branded “blue pill” and “purple pill” by the red pill bishops.
I was excommunicated.
If you listened to me, you risked going to Hell.
But what exactly was I saying?
What was so dangerous to the Red Pill that its leaders panicked when we debated?
Why did they block me and run away?
What were they afraid of others hearing?
The Red Pill, Psychology, and Biology
I’ve been studying attraction for the past decade, and the journey has taken me through many corners of thought; the Red Pill is only the most recent one. Unlike most, I am not a newbie getting “unplugged” — I’ve seen a lot, and I think a lot about what I’ve seen.
So while I suspended disbelief initially — entering the community with openness and curiosity — by 2017 it was apparent. The Red Pill, while accurate in many ways, was not the way forward. It was — pardon the expression — a beta program for men.
It had to evolve or die.
This was informed by a couple of observations:
- For guys who want to hook up, The Red Pill is highly effective.
- Few of these guys find satisfying long-term relationships, however.
- When applied to existing long-term relationships they usually improve in some ways, but destabilize in others.
- The healthiest relationships reject the red pill altogether, or do not apply it in the same way as the theory.
This last observation in particular affected me. The red pill calls some of its biggest critics “blue pill,” and yet they are objectively among the most satisfied in their relationships.
Not the kind of feedback you can easily dismiss.
So I tried to figure it out.
The result was Biological and Psychological Attraction; a deeper way of understanding my Three Pillars framework:
- Preselection — the “marketing” of attraction — is biological in nature. This is mainly physique and status.
- Persona — the “sales” of attraction — is biological and psychological. Classic game and masculinity is biological; psychological game (a topic for another time) is, well, psychological.
- Personality — the “product” of attraction — is psychological. This is your mental health, integration (psychological depth), and psychological type.
Ergo, where the Red Pill and I differ is both slight and profound. The Red Pill only considers biological attraction, whereas I layer psychological attraction on top of it.
They have two pillars of attraction, I have three.
And as we shall see… that third pillar makes all the difference.
But before we attack, we should remember our common ground.
The sad truth is most in society — the true “blue pilled” people, so to speak — are under so much cognitive dissonance they don’t even consider men and women to be different.
So credit where credit is due: The Red Pill’s contribution in reminding people that men and women don’t think the same way has been invaluable. They have basically rediscovered biological attraction.
A few key concepts in biological attraction are as follows:
1) Women Like Muscular Men. Though it might be an overstated point of contention, there has been a narrative endorsing low testosterone, “dad bod,” manlet physiques. Suffice to say this is very, very bad for men who hope to attract women, who universally desire strong, tall men with a V shaped body.
2) Women Are Hypergamous. A deep truth about women that the average man “knows” but hasn’t internalized. While men date across and down physically/socially, women date across and up.
This has always had implications, much like the male propensity to prefer youthful women, but in an age where women are beginning to out-earn men the impact has been serious. Women won’t date men less successful than them, and have the impulse to jump to men more successful than their current partner. As a man you need to be critically aware of this; ignoring it could destroy your entire life.
3) “Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks.” There are unsophisticated aspects to this we’ll discuss another time, but fundamentally yes — women pursue some men for sex and others for provisioning (both in finances and attention, a form of currency to them).
The key takeaway: women completely adjust their behavior depending on how they categorize you. The role of classic game is to help place you into the former camp rather than the latter.
There are more, of course — women are naturally feminine and submissive (though modern culture has told them otherwise, making most depressed in the process) — but you get the idea. These traits are at the core of all women.
Why The Red Pill Appears To Work
When men internalize these concepts they see results. So much so, many think they’ve reached the end game with it… even as they struggle with the dissonance of not finding a girl “worthy” of a deep relationship.
There are a couple of reasons for this misunderstanding:
a) Young Girls Are More Red Pill. Male or female, the younger the person, the more they are influenced by their biology. When you hit puberty you are a slave to it — your hormones are raging and you don’t know yourself yet. Your personality is immature… which is why High School is the most Red Pill experience you will ever have: you literally just need to be cool and hot to get hot girls.
Psychology doesn’t reach parity with biology in the average person until ~26-32 (which is why ideas about female behavior changing at “the wall” are at best incomplete). People and their priorities change as they age. Unfortunately, contrasting timelines skew perceptions; women are least mature when they’re hottest — in contrast to men who go through their main psychological growth while their looks (potentially) peak.
b) Insecure Girls Are More Red Pill. This correlates with the above, as young girls are generally insecure (this is a product of not knowing yourself). But culture has created an unprecedented abundance of neurotic women of all ages… and shows no sign of stopping. So expect the red pill’s effectiveness on the average girl to continue to grow.
Why is this the case? Because insecure people lack internal validation and seek it elsewhere. Insecurity also triggers “survival mode,” bypassing the cortex’s higher considerations. Think Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. In scarcity you literally become an animal; looks and social status matter a lot more. This is also why you should never seriously date an insecure girl.
c) Selection Bias / Lack of Introspection. And then there’s the “hardest pill to swallow.” Because many red pill guys see women only as sex objects, they only attract women who perform that role.
It’s hard to imagine, as it’s like believing a world you’ve never seen exists. But the devoted woman isn’t going to date you if you bang club sluts and sugar babies, no matter how “alpha” you are. She sees you, and she avoids you. We’ll return to this soon.
The Malthusian Trap of the Red Pill
So biology matters. But biology isn’t the only thing that matters.
Moreover, biology isn’t one dimensional. A book I was reading recently mentioned “you can’t have Darwin without Malthus,” and while he was speaking about something far more bizarre than me, it crystalized a previous thought.
The Red Pill is a way of successfully navigating women, but it is a low way. It assumes that people only care about sex, and to rationalize this, it tautologically implies this is all men should care about.
Which is why The Red Pill only justifies marriage as a sacrifice to have children rather than a source of enrichment and love.
This limited “truth,” which applies only when people are operating at their base form of existence, is like Malthus’ “truth” that with more resources, people will only produce more children — that the sole object of a human is propagation, not to live better and expand his consciousness and domain.
Higher desires are thus rejected as fantasies that threaten to remove you from your biological imperative. They make you “beta.” It’s a hyper-rationalist perspective on life that diminishes your soul, pushing you to nihilism and ultimately hedonism. No wonder Pope Rollo takes issue with the benign messaging of Jordan Peterson — finding meaning beyond the carnal inevitably makes you question the assumptions of The Red Pill.
All of this said, the classic dangers still apply. Pedestalizing women, hoping they will love you unconditionally and take care of your emotions — these are “blue pill” fantasies that will destroy you. You must understand which mindsets come from weakness rather than transcendence; what is need and what is want. But asking more from women than features, femininity, and fidelity doesn’t make you naive. Many can and do provide much more.
But you won’t know that if you stick with The Red Pill. It’ll make you king — for a time — of the immature, damaged, and shallow women. But you’ll miss out on the ones who could change your life.
And moreover, you’ll miss out on knowing yourself.
The hungry man may find it hard to think of things besides food, but satiate your stomach and things start to change. I help men get laid not because it’s my passion, but because once they can hunt, most start to think beyond food.
They see the importance of psychology and personality in their life.
The guys that miss this revelation; they’re fucked.
I’ve met them. I read them. They are miserable — especially once they cross 40. They obsess about the female wall because they have hit their own, and they know it.
They believe sexual validation is all that matters, and so as their options dwindle they realize… now they don’t matter at all.
This is the game the red pill teaches you to play.
It can be fun for a time. But it’s a game you’ll never win.
I want no one to misconstrue this article. Looks matter, status matters, game matters — get these things locked in, as they will provide you with a foundation not only for women, but for life.
But there is something else elevated, trustworthy women both exude and expect — and it is based on a different type of power.
Pure expression of yourself.
This may sound ridiculous at first. But expressing yourself — really expressing yourself, not wearing some mass-produced, dumb-looking shirt with a narcissistic slogan on it — is extremely difficult.
It asks for introspection.
It demands deconditioning.
It requires deep work.
(Such as the work I do with my clients.)
But in the end, it leads you to discover who you really are.
Understand, there are two different confidences.
There is the “biological” confidence that comes with knowing your sexual desirability and power.
And then there is the “psychological” confidence in knowing, trusting, and loving yourself.
You want the former, no doubt, but the latter is a power few of the rich and powerful people on this planet experience.
It is the power of prophets and heroes. The power of freedom.
And it is the basis of psychological attraction.
Artists and Adventurers are intoxicating to women because — even when tortured — they bring something out of this vast, deep pool of the human spirit most people snuff out.
They transcend regular game; they challenge psyches, forcing them to grow.
They are so authentic they are piercing.
And it is through this authenticity they ultimately find deep love.
Many great romances have existed throughout time, but I will not pump you full of illusions — they are rare. This should be no surprise. Anything great is uncommon. Real love strips you naked. I am sure many of you will not be up to the task.
But romances born out of this attraction, even if they don’t last a lifetime — and many do not — are never a waste. These are the girls that help you grow. The girls you remember.
The rest are noise.
So you have a choice.
If having relationships like this matters to you — if great romances are something you desire — you must take a step that will scare you.
You must move past this red pill shit and grow the fuck up.
The truth is unpleasant.
But the reason you can’t have a great relationship with women isn’t because of women.
It’s because of you.
You’re fucked up.
And continuing a trauma loop by banging random, equally lost girls isn’t going to fix it.
Break the cycle.
People who are telling you to hide behind a Persona — yes, even a masculine one — do not have your best interests at heart, or are blind themselves. Discovering yourself and becoming a man are symbiotic missions, but they are also different ones. Masculinity is an energy, not a Personality; do not become a caricature of the concept.
I know The Church will try to convince your otherwise. They are in a Holy War against another religion, Feminism, and want cannon fodder. Every man in pain is a weapon.
But there is a different path.
Grandma doesn’t adore Grandpa because he’s running dread game. She adores Grandpa because she knows Grandpa. She loves who he is. Their souls, over years of raw exposure, have become intertwined. It’s far more than oxytocin and familiarity; it’s a deep embrace.
So enough with the paranoia and grievances.
The battle of the New Age is not between men and women. Like so much of the shit that’s stopped up our society, this is a boomer conflict that has run its course into the abyss.
The coming fight is high-consciousness versus low.
Choose your side wisely.
It’s the difference between life like a lion, and life like yeast.
PS My overarching strategy with my clients is to help them discover themselves even as they learn about women. By the end you will find your authentic style and integrate it with the “biological” truths of what works. You won’t just become a fake replication of me. You’ll become the best you, and the cool, beautiful women in your life will prove it. To sign up go here: www.patstedman.com/application