We spoke yesterday about hard men and soft women.

But what about hard women? Do they have a place, romantically?

The answer:

It depends.

(a frustrating answer, I know)

We’ll talk about one growing niche for such women tomorrow, but historically they’ve actually been quite important… at least in militaristic societies.

These societies cultivate hardness. The women are strong to keep the men the same way.

Everyone knows how tough the Spartan women were. And though the extent of it is exaggerated, the Vikings had Shieldmaidens who would even actually fight.

WW2 led to hardness of women across the board, especially in Russia and Germany.

None of this is intuitively surprising.

Hard times make hard people.

The big question is: why would the guys who led such societies prefer this?

Like many things, it’s a tradeoff.

These men accepted less femininity in their lives in exchange for more support on their goals.

Hard women are great partners if you’re ambitious.

“Business” partners, that is.

They push you to be your best. The man needs to go harder than ever since the hard woman can smell any hint of weakness. Ergo, there may not be much passion by the end of the marriage… but there’s a LOT of commonality and relatability. Such “teams” are very effective at accumulating large fortunes or surviving through hard times.

(note why lower class women tend to be more crass and less feminine)

Femininity gets sacrificed on the alter of productivity.

Here’s the rub though, in the modern context.

We don’t live in hard times.

(yet, at least)

If your culture is based on the men seasonally raiding in far off lands, you’re going to need your women to be hard in your absence.

If you want to raise tough sons, it arguably makes sense to minimize the feminine influence in their lives.

These societies aren’t about balance. They’re about survival and domination, and are designed accordingly.

Ours — not so much.

Which is why the west is so feminine culturally.

The irony is, men took this too far — and women had to compensate despite all the natural buffers.

Women in the west SHOULD be very feminine. The system supports that luxury.

Alas, this is not the case.

But if you want to change it?

It starts with you.

As long as men are weak, women won’t be feminine again. There is a direct relationship between the two things.

And if you’re struggling to understand just what you need to do differently, work with me.

I’ll get to the heart of all the self-limiting lies you tell yourself, so we can unclog the shit that’s backing up your masculinity.

Here’s the link: www.patstedman.com/application

Talk to you tomorrow..

– Pat

FYI – I only publish old emails on the website. To join the list and get the new, daily-ish ones, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin