One thing post-modernism has introduced to culture is the idea that we “shouldn’t judge.”
It’s a stupid idea, for obvious reasons.
We navigate the world through perception (taking in information) and judgment (qualifying it).
Cut out half of the equation, and you’re pretty much unable to operate in the world.
You’re prey.
Which is why qualifying women (read: judging them) is something I have to routinely work on with my dating clients.
You NEED to be assessing women as you’re talking to them, not only because it will help you to determine whether you’ve got a good woman, but because judgment helps you keep the frame.
(Remember: You judge based on values, and frame derives from submission to values)
But once you get into a relationship, things get a bit more complicated.
Maybe you shouldn’t respect ALL “wamen” automatically (as Pewdiepie would say), but what about the one you’ve chosen?
It’s a rhetorical question.
Of COURSE you need to respect your girl. Which means being more tempered in your judgment of her.
Just not for the reasons you might think.
True, for love to grow, condescension (negative judging) is an anchor. It kills intimacy and builds resentment.
But the other reason to watch the judgment is it subcommunicates an indictment of yourself.
Think about it.
If you think bad things about your woman, what does it say about you that you’re with her?
Belittling your woman is low consciousness and counterproductive, but it also tells everybody around you that you’re a bitch.
You not only chose a bad woman, but you lack the balls to leave her.
(This is why “complaining” is bad behavior for a man, since complaining indicates low self-respect and an inability to do better.)
So be careful.
Judge women plenty in the beginning, but if you elect judge positively, remember that once committed.
The truth is it’s easy, once you’re in a relationship, to project all sorts of your own baggage onto her.
The only unfortunate thing is… this can be pretty hard to see, even for introspective guys.
Which is where I come in.
If you work with me, I’ll give you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Even if it (gasp) causes you to dislike me a little bit.
(Something there’s almost no chance your friends would do, even if they could diagnose the problem)
It’s a rare opportunity to see yourself in a different light. And to see the women around you more clearly as well.
Sign up here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
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