Yesterday on twatter I put out a quote on “Ethical Seduction”
***Ethical seduction:
Understanding someone’s weak spots… and causing them to love you for helping them overcome them.***
Some people wondered whether this was no different than just being kind.
Spoiler alert: It is.
Not to diminish such gestures, but anyone can be kind. It doesn’t take any deep perception to fix someone dinner, compliment them, or ask them about their day.
Everyone appreciates such things.
But, there is a kernal of truth in the question.
Ethical seduction is kindness, it’s simply precision kindness.
For instance, as the “5 Love Languages” folks have long acknowledged, people respond to different acts of kindness more powerfully than others.
Quality time might matter for one more than compliments.
I suspect, however, a majority of these preferences come down to trauma.
(I don’t mean that in the severe sense, just in the damage we all accumulate going through life)
Someone who wasn’t complimented much growing up is going to really appreciate compliments in a relationship. Especially compliments in areas they feel insecure in.
Some people instinctually recognize this. But they tend to treat the symptom, not the problem.
Which is where ethical seduction comes in.
You see, what makes seduction so powerful is that it operates within someone’s mental fortifications.
Dominance is the ability to lay siege to a frame. Seduction is the ability to subvert it within.
(Which is why I find people who consider seduction “bad” to be fools)
By definition, the deeper you go “under cover,” the more power over a psyche you can have.
The question is what you do with that psyche once you have it.
Many people conquer such minds out of mere pleasure or sport.
(They need the validation, as a more powerful seducer would inevitably use against them)
To them, seduction is a game.
Ethical seduction rejects such premises. It’s first rule is simple: don’t break something you’re not willing to put back together.
(Read: How To Build A Harem)
Remember, depth is intimacy.
Tunnel your way into someone’s mind, capture it, and they will expect you to “rule” it. This is what happens when a girl gives you her heart.
If you don’t want that obligation, and reject it once given, you have caused the city (mind) to fall into anarchy.
So be responsible. It is very easy to direct someone’s thinking once you have touched their deepest vulnerabilities.
To the extent that you do this with girls you do not intend to date seriously, you have to be very careful not to let them get very attached.
Set boundaries for yourself.
If done correctly, the benefits are short-term flings with depth… and eternal gratitude from the girl for helping her grow.
Done incorrectly, and you’ve basically led her on, caused her to create more walls, and left her worse off.
A final note:
This stuff is really important in relationships. It’s the kind of stuff that creates deep trust and intimacy that endures far beyond the “honeymoon phase.”
When people talk about passion in long term relationships, it comes almost exclusively from psychological game.
(No wonder guys who dismiss this think commitment leads to dead-bedroom, they lack deep game).
Anyway, if you want to learn this stuff, I can show you exactly how to read girls for vulnerabilities… and how to respond (ethically).
It’s a dating superpower, and a requirement for a healthy relationship.
And I don’t know too many other people who offer to teach it…
Apply here: www.patstedman.com/application
– Pat
