I was talking to a (potential) client recently about an interesting thing: trust and relationships.
(If you want to consider working with me, go here: www.patstedman.com/application)
Truth be told, it’s not something I’ve gone over too much with clients to date.
Most guys who work with me want to learn game, want to get their minds rewired, want to jump start their social life, or want to understand how women operate.
We go over screening, but it’s just a part of the process to get them to attract women.
It’s just not the priority for most of them.
A funny thing, really.
Because it might be the most important thing in dating all together.
In fact, I’m probably going to start talking about it a lot more… because it’s not only essential, but it’s incidentally one of the things I’ve learned to do at a level that I really believe is unparalleled in this industry.
But before I get all cocky, I want to put my talents in perspective.
I’m not the best guy at attracting women out there.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m good — way above average, without question — but there are people out there, including other coaches, who are way more immersed in the game and can attract girls better than me. So if you want to be taken out and want to see how a pro operates, I’m probably not your guy.
Not a smart thing for a dating coach to say, is it?
But I’m not particularly concerned.
People should work with who is best for them. Coaching is no small investment, after all.
Plus, I have other talents — and though the market demand might be smaller, the suppliers of this rare non-commodity are even more limited.
Truly, nothing escapes me in this world. I can read people like a book.
Which is why that conversation was interesting. This guy is actually pretty good with women. He’s not going to need my advice on dealing with them. By all accounts, it sounds like we’d be good “wings” if I was single.
But this guy is struggling with the less sexy portion of attraction, one that is almost universally brushed under the rug by the attraction community:
Is she a good, mentally healthy person?
Most guys who lack quantity understandably want to focus on volume first. They want *a* girl, not necessarily the best one. And to the extent that they want to improve the quality of their women, it concerns getting ones with better looks.
Nothing wrong with this, of course. But attraction isn’t everything — especially if you’re trying to get involved with a girl for more than a couple of nights. In the long-run, character conquers all.
A few reasons why:
1. Character mitigates biological impulse. Note I said mitigates, not eliminates. Your woman is hypergamous and will be attracted to other high quality men, especially those that outstrip you in status. But character = delayed gratification and self-restraint, so she’ll keep perspective and won’t stray.
2. Character allows trust which allows intimacy. Related to the above, unless you trust someone you’re not going to be able to establish a strong bond with them. This doesn’t mean it’s smart to dump your vulnerabilities out but there’s a difference between being a bitch and allowing your walls to drop. Without trust this can’t happen though, and low character girls are impossible to trust — your relationship lives or dies on fear.
3. Trust allows intimacy which allows integration. I’ve grown from bad relationships because I’ve seen how I led to the destruction of the relationship. But this occurred after the fact. To grow IN a relationship, it needs to be intimate. This allows you to see and process parts of yourself you’ve buried. It can make you a happier person, heal trauma, but if it lacks a foundation of trust it will just make it worse. Paranoia and jealousy are low-consciousness emotions, but it’s hard to ignore them if you can’t trust the person you’re with.
Honestly, the list is endless. I’ve been in relationships where I couldn’t leave my girlfriend’s side because any attention from other guys would swoop her away. Now I’m married to a woman I don’t worry about at all, even if we’re apart for months.
Because I could see, from the beginning, what she was all about.
Yes, dread, SMV, etc all matter. No one is 100% pure.
But I can see where people break, and what kind of people they are. How they will act. What they value.
And I can help you to learn these skills too… so you too can avoid the “bad eggs” while you’re dating.
Time is everything my friends, and if you’re serious about having a good relationship (or avoiding hook ups with girls who would, say, accuse of something you didn’t do), learning how to read people will save you a ton of it.
So, sign up here if you’re interested.
Even beyond the realm of romance, there are a lot of bad, damaged people out there looking to drag you into their own little hell.
If I were you, I wouldn’t let them…
PS I spend a whole module of my course on discernment (aka reading a woman’s character and psychology). If you’re looking for something less intensive than coaching, go here: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page