One thing you get used to in the self-improvement circles is everybody opining on what you “have” to do.

Pretty much every day I see comments like the following:

“This is the schedule you should follow to make your day efficient.”

“This is the workout you need to use if you want to get ripped.”

“These are the dynamics your relationship requires to be successful.”

Now, I’m no expert in the first two. But since the latter is my purview I’m going to offer my not-so-humble opinion on the matter.

Saying a relationship needs to be like X is BAD ADVICE.

In fact, for the wrong audience it can be dangerous… because it will lead the listener to the wrong sort of conclusions.

Here’s what I mean…

If you have a good relationship, and someone tells you “your relationship should be like X” — then chances are you’re going to brush it off without interest, even with a scoff.

“We don’t behave like that and we’re happy” you’d think to yourself.

But if your relationship maybe wasn’t so great?

You’d start to think — “Aha! That’s something we don’t do, and that’s why she’s not a good girlfriend / this relationship is bad.”

Now, could that advice be correct? Sure. At least, in the sense that it’s a symptom.

But listening to it is not leading you on a path to make the problem better. In fact… it’s probably going to make it worse.

Confused?

Let me ask you a question.

Do you know who some of the worst people to be in a relationship with are?

Self-improvement people.

(Read: Why Spirituality and Self-Improvement Can Ruin Your Life)

Yes I know… self-improvement people in the long-term generally become great people, because you can only obsess about being better so long before you actually have to start moving in that direction.

But in the short – midterm? (this can last 20 years!!)

NOT FUN

Self-improvement people generally struggle with self-contempt, heavy emotions, and perhaps the biggest relationship killer of all… projection.

It’s tough to be with a self-improvement person because most self-improvement people constantly see problems — and worse — think the answer to them lies outside of them. When they see a good relationship, they focus on the flaws in their relationship and the PUT PRESSURE ON THEM.

They compare themselves, and then their woman, to others. And ironically kill their appreciation and gratitude for what they have.

(This makes self-improvement folks, incidentally, the best to sell to — you can get a guy trapped on the “10x your life” guru circuit for years, telling him what he needs to do to be happy until he’s bought all your products, and then pimping him out to your friends for a hot affiliate fee)

So how about you do yourself a favor and stop?

Your relationship is filled with two unique people, with their own personalities, values — and, yes, baggage.

It is not going to be exactly like any others. And it is not going to become improved by forcing another’s dynamics. That only creates more resentment and pressure, which kills the romance all-together.

The principles matter, not the veneer. Because the veneer COMES FROM the principles.

Really, relationships need only two things for “the best dynamics” — for love to bloom.

Trust and respect.

And you know how they occur?

By trusting and respecting YOURSELF.

Do not make the mistakes I made for years.

The answer to fixing your life or your relationship does not lie with me, or any other guy.

It lies with you.

Which is why one of the cornerstones of my coaching is to help you find you; to guide your conscious mind to where your subconscious already is… so they can reconcile.

It’s for this reason that my clients have ranged from hard-core red pill “I only eat raw meat” dudes to spirituality-centered vegans. From white Mayflower types to brown immigrants. From 18 year old kids to 55 year old men.

Half the time it takes a mere 3 months to get them into a new stage of life. 90% of the time, no longer than 6.

Do I teach you other things about women? Of course. Social circle game, regular game, female psychology, tactical help… my toolbox is varied.

But it’s this deep work that really distinguishes me from other coaches, and it’s what I take the most pride in as a professional.

Anyway, that’s my pitch. Take it or leave it.

But whatever you do, leave the comparisons you’re making of your life to anon accounts online.

To the extent that their representation is even true, it’s not relevant.

Get your head right and the rest will follow.

Game is, after all, just a distillation of what sorted out guys do around women…

– Pat

PS You can apply to work with me here: www.patstedman.com/application