When it comes to “having a feminine woman,” most conversation in our corner of the internet revolves around making sure you pick the right woman.
I agree, just as a sculptor needs to choose his block of marble carefully, you must choose your woman with the same level of discernment.
But also like a sculptor, the work is not done after choosing your material. You must then mold it. She may be suitable for your purposes, but you still need to craft her into what you desire.
So how do you do this?
Many talk about “standards” and letting your girl know what is appropriate and what is not. Having self-respect. Expressing your value.
This is all important, a woman must respect you to follow you.
But men also be wary of doing what men very commonly do to other men — and almost universally, themselves.
I believe it was David Deida who first coined this, but “the masculine thrives on criticism, the feminine on praise.” Guys caught up in the “alpha’s are asshole, betas are nice guys” paradigm will dismiss this, saying that praising women only inflates their ego. You need to neg to show value.
This is true. But only half-true, and moreover shallow.
Everybody has an ego. You can’t eliminate it. Pummel it too much and it will become resentful, passive-aggressive, and sabotaging — it won’t go away.
Your main goal with someone’s ego is to help it to grow in the right direction.
Criticism is harsh. It may make people improve, but it makes people hard.
While inevitably a woman will sometimes need to be criticized, the paradox is, telling a woman where she needs to grow, where she is deficient, will make her attitude harder.
By telling a woman she needs to be feminine you only thus make her energy more masculine.
Femininity is lightness. Is playfulness. Its pleasure, spontaneity, sweetness. Indulgence.
You make a woman feminine by encouraging her as she explores this side. Telling her how beautiful and wonderful she is when she does this. How much you enjoy her. How much you love her.
As she associates good things with that part of herself, she will start to identify with it.
It’s different for men. Masculinity is about carrying burdens. While acknowledgment of this feels amazing, men tend to get complacent with too much praise. The reality is that masculinity is a responsibility. To have someone soft you must be hard.
Take this in mind if you are in a relationship and want to keep your girl feminine, and if you are trying to become more masculine yourself.
Most women today need to let go, and most men need to grasp harder. And if someone is grasping too hard onto something — if they are tense — you get them to release through calm, happy energy… not more intensity.
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