One term that always confused me a bit was “emotional cheating.”
Maybe confused isn’t the right word, but the whole thing seemed a bit weird.
Is it when someone gets close to regular cheating but holds themselves back? Is it simply a lesser form of cheating? Or is it something else entirely?
I’ve started to come to the conclusion that it IS different than regular cheating, and is not simply a matter of degree (though obviously there can be some overlap).
The difference lies in the type of attraction driving the cheating. Biological attraction begets a physical response; psychological attraction, an emotional one.
Someone “emotionally cheating” then is likely not biologically or physically draw to the person they are spending time with. That person is rather meeting a psychological need, or “gets them” on a level their current partner is not.
They are thus compelled to spend time with this other party, even romantic time, but not to cross the physical barrier.
Standard cheating, on the other hand, is more primal. She’s hot and you want her. Nothing more.
(It goes without saying the most serious and hard-to-recover from cheating is when the attraction is biological and psychological — these are the nature of serious affairs)
But among the two, biological and psychological, which is worse?
You can make up your own mind. There was a study that said women were more upset by emotional cheating than physical, men reversed, but I’m not sure that I buy it. Or rather, men may be more upset by physical cheating than women, but I suspect if you dived deep both would consider it worse than emotional.
Physical cheating is a very clear-cut breach of trust. It’s not a grey area, you “went there.” For many men, yours included, it permanently dirties the woman. Sex just isn’t the same.I think emotional cheating is different — indeed, it can even have a silver lining.
If you find yourself more emotionally drawn to someone than you partner, it usually indicates two things:
– your partner isn’t giving you something emotionally that you need
– you need extra attention — which begs the question of why
In most cases of emotional cheating there is a natural chemistry between the two parties, but also a vulnerability — a chink in the armor — found.
For many it’s not feeling understood by their partner. It could be low confidence or not feeling special anymore.
But this knowledge is good, because it allows a renewal of the current relationship — an ability to make things better.
And since no physical territory has been trodden on, it’s far easier to forgive and repair.
This shows the importance of biology, and why looks and status — which concern a woman’s hypergamous impulses — should always remain a priority, even over psychology.
When a woman leaves a more attractive and higher status man for a lesser one, you know the emotional issues between her and her partner have to be extreme.
Anyway ‘nuff said.
If you want more explorations into this, check out my masterclass.
It’s over 14 hours of material, much of it on this stuff. As close as you can come to working with me – yet for a fraction of the cost.
– Pat
