“A woman can tell if you’re assessing her or leering”
Some guy, I believe @huntfored, said something along those lines the other day.
(Great account to follow if you haven’t already – he’s basically the wise yet jaded, reformed hedonist. Dark, incredible insights into female nature.)
It’s an important distinction. Girls LOVE being “assessed” — it implies you have standards and are curious. Leered at not so much.
But it’s easy to SAY “do this not that.” How can you tell how you come across?
I could go into some subtle tells, but the best place to start is in your mind.
The fact is most people show what they are thinking. Occasionally you will have guys that have unintentionally dissonant body language, but generally the two go hand
.How you feel is what you express.
So I tell guys, when you’re talking to a girl, judge her.
I don’t mean that necessarily in that post-modern, automatically negative sense.
I mean try to figure out what she’s all about… and then see if you like it.
Really, it’s less about “judging” than the tandem of judging and perceiving. Something I call discerning.
Most guys do one or the other.
They do not listen, they just have their view… or they listen but have no opinion.
The former of these are the leerers, the latter lukewarm ineffectuals (I just made that word up).
Both are unattractive.
You want both. You want a girl to know you didn’t take her at face value, but you also didn’t give her a pass.In other words, she wants to know that you a) have standards and b) pay attention.
Incidentally, these two things are highly indicative of success with women in a relationship. So makes sense that they will make you stand out to a girl.I could riff off this in so many directions, but one little addenda.
Many guys new in “the scene” say you shouldn’t ever compliment a woman. This is a complex topic that I went into in depth a few years ago, but the reality is this: women generally appreciate non-generic compliments, aka compliments from guys who have carefully considered them.
The difference between telling a girl you’ve met that she’s “hot” vs “has great taste in earrings” is night and day.
Don’t be lazy gentlemen. Be aware, be discerning. And feel that discernment viscerally.
The more you ask yourself: “do I like this girl? what is it about this girl that I like?” the more success with women you’ll have.
And if you want help downloading those beliefs? If you want to save years of learning how to read women?
Buy my masterclass here. I talk all about it… and much much more: https://masterclass.patstedman.com/sales-page
Talk soon,
Patrick
