One thing that gets talked up a lot in more “mainstream” dating advice circles is communication.

Got a problem? Express it. Be vulnerable. Be open.

Of course, as we know, men need to be cautious when it comes to such advice. Vulnerability is best expressed from a position of strength, otherwise your masculinity will diminish in her eyes. 

(To the extent that some women appreciate this from a Personality standpoint, it still creates problems with Persona.)

But does that mean if there’s a problem you shouldn’t say something?

It’s a bit more complicated than that. A few suggestions:

1) Address the Underlying Issues Quietly

This is classic “red pill” advice, and it’s in fact quite good. If you’re out of shape, don’t complain about your wife not being attracted to you — go and work out. If she’s not treating you with respect and you don’t have your shit together, get your shit together.

Talking about issues that only you can solve just makes you look weaker and compounds the problem.

2) Be Direct About What You Need

This seems more on par with traditional advice, but there’s a caveat: you address your issue calmly, directly, and infrequently. Tell her how you feel and what you need without belaboring it.

This is important because the subcommunication of constantly bringing something up is that you are helpless.

That you are a victim.

If you have everything in your corner figured out and she is still acting poorly, it’s time to start thinking about leaving.

But before you do that, one last thing…

3) Keep Perspective

I’m a big proponent of taking nothing at face value. If your woman is acting less than ideal to you, figure out why.

Is it because you guys have different values? Is this how she always was? And moreover, is something going on in her life?

Relationships are give and take, and sometimes someone can love you and feel very sweetly towards you, but resentment and personal drama covers it up. This is a time to ask what’s going on, to listen rather than talk. Sometimes that alone can clear things up.

——

Conflict in relationships is guaranteed at some point, so don’t have a polyanna view of things. Guys who tell you they have no problems either worked to get to that place or they are full of shit.

A relationship acts like a mirror; all your baggage is revealed through the other person and you have to handle it. No one is immune.

It takes time and patience — both with yourself, and with her.

Pulling the plug is sometimes the option but always consider what’s in your control first.

And if you want to maximize your chances of success?

Such as receiving increased awareness and advice, from an expert, calibrated for your own personal situation?

Apply to work with me: www.patstedman.com/application

– Pat