Recently one of my clients and I have been working on getting this girl (who likes him, and has said as much) to hang out.
In theory, this should be easy.
As I said she’s already expressed interest, and the last date they went on they ended up making out in a back alley.
But as everybody who’s dated recently knows, it doesn’t matter what someone actually wants, it matters how insecure they are.
Because insecurity causes people to do crazy things… like blow off people you’re interested in.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this girl is head-over-heels. She’s not.
But despite liking him, she’s doing that classic middle-school, now extended to graduate school technique of playing games.
Reaching out… then resisting hanging out.
Innocuous behavior, you might think — after all it’s not like a girl you hardly see is technically taking up all of your time. What’s a few texts here and there?
But such girls are in fact dangerous, because unconsciously they drain you.
Games kill frames.
The reason the concept of strategy vs tactics is so important in my dating coaching is because sometimes fighting battles makes you lose the war.
Do not fall into this trap.
You need to think like a general, not a politician up for re-election. Big picture, not sound-bytes.
Do not put your resources (energy, time) into an emotional morass. Trying to make things work with a girl who wants to play games is like sending your soldiers into Verdun — a no-mans-land meatgrinder.
You’ll gain a couple inches at a massive cost.
So what’s the solution?
Hold the line. And make maneuvers elsewhere… with different women.
Put said game girl on freeze. Forget about her.
Because you know what happens when you do that?
Often, things fizzle… which is a strategic victory. You have just stabbed a time vampire right through the heart.
But more often than not, they redouble their efforts.
Which gives you an opportunity to break through the bullshit.
Understand, people play games because the frame is under dispute. For a woman to stop playing games she needs to realize the frame is completely incontestable.
Some women are so in their own head they never realize this. Many, however, just need a wake-up call.
Note that this is not for every guy. You need to have the right mindset going into it.
But I’ve told flakey girls who keep texting me: “Hey I think you’re cool but there are too many games with you. Best of luck.”
The reactions are usually hilarious, indignant denials.
“What do you mean?”
“Um I never played games with you, sorry you felt that way”
Followed by, later that week:
“What are you up to tonight?”
Anyway, you get the idea.
Don’t lose the forest through the trees.
And if you want a bird’s eye view of the terrain?
Work with me.
I know when to fight and when to feint; when to engage and when to exit.
And I teach you how to do the same.
Apply here to see if we’d be a good fit.
– Pat
FYI – I only publish old emails on the website. To join the list and get the new, daily-ish ones, go here: www.patstedman.com/optin
