PERSONA: THE SECOND PILLAR OF ATTRACTION (PART 2)

In Part 1 we talked about the nature of Persona.

Now we’re going to explore it in detail, how it interacts with the other Pillars of Attraction, and how it comes into play both when you’re single and in a relationship.

Persona Converts Opportunities (And Strengthens The Other Pillars)

Although some guys use Persona as a workhorse to create opportunities, in truth the bulk of that role is best left to preselection. Sure, if your preselection is low, you may not have that luxury. But it’s not ideal, and will definitely make your life more difficult. Approaching and “opening” women are necessary skills to learn, but the less pressure you put on them the better.

(Read: The Fastest Way To Get Rid Of Approach Anxiety)

(This is the reason I have turned away men from coaching who are in very bad physical shape or financial situations. Their energy is much better spent getting their Preselection to a base-line before working on Persona. It’s inefficient to put the cart before the horse.)

But that said, it doesn’t matter how many opportunities you get if you can’t convert on them.

Which is why all guys need some degree of Persona. Persona thrives on converting women from passive to active interest.

For instance, the more Persona you possess, the more:

• Invested women will be after your approach
• Likely women will sleep with you immediately
• You will be able to “win over” friends and defuse social resistance
• Phone numbers you will be able to turn into first dates, and first dates into second

Persona is the “special touch” with people that allows you to get what you want from them.

Which creates positive feedback onto the other pillars of attraction:

How Persona Strengthens Preselection

Preselection is your objective social/sexual value going in a situation. But since social/sexual value is derived predominantly from perception, one of the best ways to create it is by making people think you are important and attractive, even if you are not.

Understand, you could have no real Preselection going into a situation, but if you can ingratiate yourself with a group and have people laughing and liking you, girls in the environment who look at you will think your preselection is high. Perception is reality.

This is exactly what I did when I met my wife at a Polish wedding. Going in, the only person I knew was the friend who invited me, and she hardly knew anyone there herself. But I was so friendly people thought I knew everybody. I became the person to know — an aspect that helped me to attract my wife.

This is basically the ability to create preselection out of thin air. Even if you are the only “black sheep” in a group and there are no observers to impress, your preselection will be influenced by your persona. The better you are at making people like you, the more those people will assume this is how everybody feels about you — which means you are assumed to be high status.

This can allow you to compensate for not having the built-in preselection of knowing anybody in a situation. And of course — can help you build that social preselection in general, even when you’re in your home base.

(Read: How To Host A Party)

People skills are power.

How Persona Strengthens Personality

Persona is the behavior we use to navigate social environments; Personality is our identity and “true self.” On the surface these two things may seem completely contradictory — one is “fake” the other is “authentic,” but in truth few things are more complimentary.

Understand, so much about coming across as attractive is not simply what we communicate but how we communicate. Persona is a tool: it need not conceal aspects of your Personality, it can reveal them but on a calibrated timeline to maximum effect. This means that Persona in fact can make your Personality look better; it augments it. Just make sure you use it that way, and not to just create a facade.

(Read: How Spirituality And Self-Improvement Can Ruin Your Life)

But Persona’s impact on Personality is not simply external, it is intrinsic. So much of your Personality’s strength comes down to self-esteem. And while of course some people are “cool” with rocking the boat, the reality is we are social creatures. We all like to be liked.

Persona helps achieve this. By improving peoples’ reaction to you, it helps you with your reaction to yourself. Although there are plenty of seemingly perplexing examples to the contrary, when girls like you, when everybody likes you, you are much more likely to have a high opinion of yourself; to love yourself.

Competence simply builds confidence. Knowing exactly what to say to a girl to get her interested in you isn’t going to make you feel bad about yourself, and the more comfort you have in social environments, the less anxiety and self-consciousness will be on your mind. It’s a positive feedback cycle.

Persona And Body Language

Although we may stereotypically think of Persona as a way of vocally expressing some trait in a situation, Persona is also reflected equally in body language. While an overall confident demeanor would be considered more an aspect of Personality, physical maneuvering (consciously or unconsciously) to maximize your impression on other people is the purview of Persona.

(Read: As You Are)

For instance, if you’re talking to a girl at a bar and have your body language pointed away from her, you’re sending her the signal that you’re not fully invested in the conversation; when you turn to face her you’re showing her you are invested. This game mimics the desire/comfort back-and-forth you also see when you balance, for example, cockiness and vulnerability in conversation. The mode of communication might be different, but the impact and role is the same.

Why Persona Works (And When It Works Best)

As we discussed in the first part of this series, the higher your level of Persona, the more likely you will be able to “convert” on opportunities in your dating life. Although effective Persona is about conveying dominance as much as mystery, since Persona emphasizes calibration it is the pillar of attraction where the bulk of seduction has its home.

(Read: The 2 Philosophies of Attraction)

Which is both a positive and a negative. Seduction is great at bringing people in, getting them invested in you, and sleeping with them. But keeping them attracted? Long term, not so much. Persona spikes in its strength after you approach a woman and is at its most powerful in the early stages of your first conversation with her. But it gradually declines from there, and is completely overshadowed by Personality by usually the 3 month mark; most likely earlier.

This is why people who lack a strong Persona will still manage to find people to pair-up with; meanwhile, people with a strong Persona but weak Personality (Hint: Pick Up Artists) will struggle to keep women around for more than a few weeks, if that.

In other words: Persona is the sales ability, Personality is the product itself. A good Personality *should* eventually find a market — but the chances are much less it will happen on a timely factor, and with the deserved pricing. On the other hand, a good Persona can sell a bad Personality, but buyers remorse is pretty much guaranteed.

Persona is more of an asset to Personality than a replacement of it. So build it up and don’t ignore it, but don’t think it’s going to get you true dating power or access to the cream of the crop if you focus on it to the extent of your Personality.

Persona’s Role In Relationships

Although Persona’s role over time in a relationship diminishes compared to Personality, like Preselection its job doesn’t end. Each Pillar might have its heyday, but that doesn’t mean it falls into obsolescence. Persona matters not only in navigating conflict in relationships but keeping them passionate over time.

The truth is it’s easy for relationships to get stagnant. People get stuck in routines. They stop trying. They allow their “authentic self” to shine through, and think that enough — after all, it’s “who they are.”

But it’s not enough. Sure, part of this “letting down the facade” is part of falling in love. It’s necessary for intimacy to develop. But just like your value to a woman will decline when you lose looks, wealth, or status, you will also lose value and attraction to your partner if you stop expressing your Persona — if you stop showing that you care when she speaks, if you don’t flirt or tease her.

(Read: Girl Game)

Comfort can too easily fall into complacency, which creates a death spiral for Desire.

The happiest couples are always the ones that continue to try to treat each other as they did at the beginning of the relationship. Obviously you will not be able to perfectly recapture the novelty of that early period, but the effort goes a long way — not only in keeping things fresh but in warding off competition.

This is, ironically, a broader use of Persona: to remind your partner of your sexual market value. The truth is nothing focuses attention and appreciation like competition. Exposure might sanitize the seductive aspect of Persona to the person you’re with, but it doesn’t for new people. Seeing the response and desire other people have to you is a sure-fire way to increase it for the person you’re with.

Just make sure not to take it to far, or you’ll damage trust — and create more problems than you solve.

Final Thoughts: Why You Can’t Rely On Persona

Persona is the affected behavior (unconsciously, when ingrained at a high level) which allows people to convey their value in social surroundings.

It is overwhelmingly important when it comes to attracting women, because Persona is effectively Game.

But Persona is ineffective at generating more options compared to Preselection, and is wholly inadequate at keeping them. You might be able to sleep with a girl or date her temporarily with Persona, but she’s going to wonder what’s “actually there” in your core eventually. If you want to keep her attracted, you need more.

You need a healthy Personality.

We’ll get to that next time.

– Pat

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