A few things heard commonly in relationships (or at wedding ceremonies) are variations of the following:
“I’m just so grateful to be with my best friend”
“You’re my best friend, I love you”
“I love that I’m marrying my best friend”
Now, don’t get me wrong — I’m not trying to be a dick to these couples.
And, I’m sure many of them probably agree with me… even if we have some semantic issues here.
But I don’t like it when guys call their wives their “best friend” (or vice versa).
Friendships are not the same as partnerships — let alone *romantic* partnerships.
Nor should they be.
The dynamics involved are different.
And, I’ve noticed that conflating the two only leads to degrading the romantic attraction within the relationship.
Allow me to explain.Friendships are based fundamentally on affinity.
Shared ideas. Shared ethos. Shared circumstance. And over time — shared history.
Relationships, on the other hand, are based on perhaps some affinity, but mostly: utility and attraction.
You are a team *and* (hopefully) people who desire each other sexually.
In other words — not friends.
Which is a good thing. Because although a good relationship might have overlap with a friendship in some ways (you trust each other, you share values, you spend time together), the friendship aspect is not only the most banal part of a relationship, it’s the most unappealing.It’s the one thing you can get elsewhere.
Why elevate it in something unique?
Doing so only threatens to turn the relationship platonic.
And that’s no bueno.
Personally, I don’t want that dynamic creeping into my relationship.
Some of you are probably thinking right now, “WOW, Pat’s so oversensitive. What a snowflake! It’s just a word!” And I feel you. But the fact is the words you use to describe your relationship show where your mental point of origin is.
Be careful with the language you use because it literally programs your brain.
My wife is not my friend and I don’t want her to be.
I have other people for that.Her role in my life is distinct, and those distinctions are what must be prioritized.
Anyway, till next time.
– Pat
PS I think you’ll enjoy this article.
PPS Grab my texting book here.
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